When the Trials Keep Coming

Sometimes, you're 20 years old and it feels like the world is falling apart.  And you're not quite sure how you got there, but you tuck your knees in and brace for the brokenness of your own humanity.

Sometimes, when you're 20 and your world's falling apart, you listen to praise-and-worship music and watch funny cat videos.  But the pain doesn't cease and you just want to cry until your head doesn't hurt and your heart doesn't ache.

You want to shake the nausea that is sweeping over you, because you feel helpless and tiny and scared.  You want to be nourished with hugs, fed with hope.  You want tangible love.  Most of all: You want to be okay with the radical spinning out of control.  But you're not.

Because, when you're twenty and it feels like your world's falling apart, you want a big hug from daddy and the comfort of your stuffed bunny.  You want to steal back the innocence, make the constant motion stop.

Don't lost hope.

I know you wonder how you can survive.  You wonder how a life filled with such sorrow can be endured.  Surely we humans cannot withstand the magnitude of pain that sometimes engulfs our hearts.  By what strength can you raise your head when you feel so crushed?

I ask these questions because I know how it feels.  I know the feeling of despair at my own failure.  I know the fear of backsliding to where I once was.  I know the bitterness and loneliness and self-pity and desolation.

I know the overwhelming dread of the weight of sin-- dread because the eye can see its power.  And we cringe at its possibility.  In my 20 years, I've been bound by enough shackles to confine thousands.  And I don't want to go back.  And I know I'm not the only one with that fear welling up in my heart.  I know I'm not the only one who is going after trial through trial, pushed to the limit.  I'm not naive enough to think I'm the only one.

But, my friends, we cannot give up.  We cannot cut ourselves off from the world and lament in the darkness.

We 20 year olds are the generation the Lord is raising up to change the world.  We are beacons of hope, as dimly lit as we are.  Even if your candle is but a lick of a flame, you still illuminate the darkness around you.

This dread of sin and pain of the moment does not compare to the future glory that is in Christ Jesus.  And that glory floods us even now.  Now, when the trials come back to back like winds of a roaring hurricane. Now, when 20 years old feels like a small blip, from which you have nothing to show for.

The nausea will pass.  The pain will subside.  You will- eventually- stop crying.

Your body will be healed and your spirit will be mended, all in the Lord's timing.

When you're 20 years old and it feels like your world is falling apart, there's no choice but to press on.  You are a warrior child, one who does not give up in the battle- not because of YOUR strength, but because of His.  So embrace your brokenness, but look to the Healer.  Look to Him, because He will come riding in and comfort your soul in all things.

Grab your stuffed bunny, call home and strengthen your resolve.  As low and as dark as it may seem, you will see light of day and your little candle will keep shining in the meantime.
(RELATED: The Waiting Game)


Love,
Hannah