And So: I Give Thanks

Remember me?  Yes, it has been quite a while.  And while I hate clicking on a blog only to see there haven't been any new posts, I had to focus on life for the past few months.  It's been crazy busy, but really good.  It's been an uphill battle, but the view is better the higher you climb.  So I hope that you'll give me some grace and welcome me back to your screen as I attempt to re-enter the blog world.

God has been showing me so much, school has been enlightening me with information and the months have been flying by.  Today, I'm looking out the window and there is snow on the ground.  Anyone want to tell me how that happened?  I am very excited for Thanksgiving next week, though.  There truly is so much to be grateful for.  I have been blessed with loving family and friends, an awesome university and so much more.  Yet, I'm struck by how easy it is to take things for granted.  That was something I found out this past fall when I had numerous medical appointments to get to and no way to get there.  I would ask friends and take taxis, but I came to the point where my bank account was draining quickly and my friends weren't texting back.  The stress was really getting to me and I was even stranded at the doctor's office for three hours on one occasion.  The ride service I had hired didn't come back.  So I found myself lounging in a Starbucks until the ride service owner came to get me and I chatted with her Cheetos-eating son on the way back to campus.  Not the best experience.

     "Well, is he hot?"  My older brother texted
     "He's like 7....." I answered.

And thus went my day.  Needless to say, I didn't hire that particular transportation service again.  But I did have to find a way to get around.  After discussing things with my parents, we decided that getting a car for me was really the only viable option.  That led to a frantic car search during my fall break last month.  We drove from car lot to car lot, even stopping at lots we saw along the way.
"Where's dad?" I would ask.  "Oh, he stopped at a lot on the way home, just to see what they had."

Finally, on a frosty Saturday morning we pulled up to a small car lot in Hilliard and my eyes locked on Dronda.  She was sitting in the corner, shiny blue and waiting for a responsible college student to give her adventure.  I was that college student.  In all honesty, the two-door Acura didn't appeal to me too much at first.  But I took it for a spin and began to grow accustomed to the heated seats and smooth ride.  I liked the Butler blue color and the roomy front seat.  And sure enough, on a rainy Sunday afternoon, the blue Acura and I posed for a picture and Dronda left the lot for good.

Dronda-- because any dignified car must have a catchy name-- has been such a blessing.  Yes, she takes me to appointments and to church.  But she also has relieved the pressure of finding rides, the angst of crossing friends off the "ride list." Yet, at the core of it all is a lesson in love.  I am loved.  I am blessed-- both by my parents and by God.  I don't deserve to have a car to drive; yet, I have one.

It also got me thinking.  In light of how blessed I am, I wouldn't dare put a scratch on Dronda.  I see the great responsibility that comes with the blessing and I want to be a good steward of this car that is on loan from my father.  In the same way, God has given me this body that I have abused for many years.  I have pushed it too hard and loved it too little (RELATED: Relaxation).  But Dronda has reminded me that there is a sense of responsibility in a gift.  And I shouldn't even think of not treating this body with anything but respect, for it is a gift from my Father.  Funny how God teaches us these things, isn't it?

So, in conclusion: expect more posts from me in the near future.  They may or may not be about my adventures in Dronda.  But they sure as heck will contain a lot of gratitude.  This blog is called "A Grateful Life Lived" for a reason, and I often forget that.  I'm grateful for this car, yes, but I'm chiefly thankful for what it has shown me about undeserved love.  That's something else I can't wait to tell you all about-- what God is showing me about love-- but you'll have to click back soon for that one.  But you, like myself, have a lot to give thanks for.  I hope you'll take a minute just to think about God's little signs of love and thank Him for those things.  They might be little, but they aren't insignificant.  They make the biggest statement of all.

RELATED: What I'm Feeling Grateful For!
RELATED: Grateful for God's Presence

Is "A Grateful 2013" Over?

   

     I started this blog almost a year ago with the intention of blogging about all the things I'm grateful for.  It morphed into a faith/travel/running/health/babysitting/college-life blog where I attempted to recount my close encounters with nature and my deep desire to grow closer with God.
     Let's take a look back at my first blog post.  That's where it all began and it's where I'm reminiscing as the year comes to a close.  I name my blog after this "quest," and as I've experienced this first year of blogging, I'm so glad that "A Grateful 2013" was a part of it.
     While the blog name has stayed the same (A Grateful Life Lived), I admit that my focus has strayed as the year has gone on.  I tried to consistently blog about something I was grateful for-- purposefully opting for small blessings in many cases.  While I'm a bit disappointed I wasn't able to be more regular with this gratitude journal of sorts, I am so glad that I embarked on this journey because I grew so much along the way.  My relationship with God has grown so much this year.  I've taken a deeper look into His grace,  His peace, His joy, His love and His presence!  I have grown in thankfulness as I have grown closer to him, so I would say that A Grateful 2013 has been far from a failure.  It has shown me that I need to be diligent in closely looking at life around me.  If my heavenly father is doing all these things-- big and little-- to show his love for me, the least I can do is train myself to pay closer attention so I can enjoy these things!
     That brings me to the present: December 31.  The last day of the year.  What comes next?  Well, I certainly don't plan on ceasing all gratitude and thankfulness for God's blessings.  I also recognize that it's time for a new beginning, a new challenge.  A few months ago, I read "Practicing His Presence" and wrote a series of blog posts that probably demonstrated an extreme love for that book.  Seriously: it changed my perspective so much in regard to God's place in my everyday life and thoughts.  It was around that time that God gave me the idea for my "theme" in 2014: A Presence Filled 2014.
     I realized that sensing God's presence on a daily basis is something that takes time and it takes a lot of work.  It takes training, but it reaps great rewards of joy and peace.
     For the immediate weeks after reading "Practicing His Presence", that is exactly what I did.  I practiced meditating on God during particular hours of the day, slowly growing that time until I was thinking of him more and more.  Then, life intervened.  The immediate impact of the book faded a little and my regular efforts to pray and thank God slowly diminished.
     That is why I am dubbing 2014 the year of Practicing God's Presence.  My scope is limited to my own blog, but as far as I'm concerned: A Presence Filled 2014 is a universal theme.  It will be in my life.
     I will blog on my sacred moments with God, the revelations that he gives me and even the times when I 'm listening but I can't hear a thing.  That's the point: not to show that I am a perfect vessel of Christ, but that I am consistently seeking more of Him in my thought life.  From thoughts flow actions, from actions flow lifestyles and from lifestyles flow my character and who I am.  That is why this is such an important theme, and one I am excited to kick off tomorrow.
     Thank you for coming along on A Grateful 2013 with me.  Yes, A Grateful 2013 is about over, but a grateful life continues regardless of time.   You might notice that my blog is titled: A Grateful Life Lived.  There's no expiration on that aside from my own death.  As I venture into A Presence Filled 2014, I will take with me the lessons I learned from A Grateful 2013.  I sincerely hope that you will as well.

  HAPPY NEW YEAR!

   

Adiós 2013: A Look Back

     This has been a pretty crazy year.  It's been a year of change-- but good change-- and lots of new experiences.
     I started the year with a decision to attend Butler University and then proceeded to have a really difficult end to my high school running career.  I did gain a lot of perspective on where running is in my life, and that was one of the greatest lessons of 2013 for me.

Hello from the top of Handies Peak!

Click HERE to see all of 2013's
babysitting adventures!

     I had the experience of a lifetime when my mom and I headed out to Colorado after my graduation.  It was by far, one of the most special and memorable vacations of my life.  I got to have great time with her, climb up-- run actually-- my first 14er (Handies Peak).  We also were able to complete a lot of amazing hikes while we were there, like hiking to the base of Engineer Mountain and various parts of the Colorado Trail.
     In July, my dad got married: something I had truly been afraid of for a very long time.  Not only was the wedding really great, but so is the family I have gained as a result!  I was frightened that I would be forgotten, especially with my looming departure for college.  Turns out, that Wedding Day was also a clear portrayal of how God is working to restore every area of my life!

Ah: the day I found the campus
fresh fruit market

     A few weeks after the wedding, our new family-- minus my older brother-- took off for Hilton Head, S.C.  That was another great vacation filled with so many awesome memories.  We found so many great things to do while we were there, and of course: I blogged about it HERE.   I also found a sweet running spot on the Pinckney Island Reserve (I highly recommend it!).


(RELATED- A Review: 2013 in Travel)

College move in day

     In late August, I headed off to college and it was absolutely terrifying and exciting at the same time.  I had a really rocky start.  I was homesick, lonely, missing home, homesick and, (in case I didn't mention): homesick!  I started getting the hang of things though and began to see all the opportunities and blessings God was lavishing on me.  At the time, my stress fracture made the transition 20 times harder, but looking back: I see how much of a blessing it was.  I was able to ground myself in the Lord in that new environment, rather than to fall back on the constancy of running.  It made for a semester of immense spiritual growth and blessing!  With my first semester done and dusted (read more HERE), I am enjoying a relaxing holiday season at home.  It has been great to be with my family and see all my friends at home.

Read about my girls' weekend
in Chicago HERE!

     I also know that Satan is really tugging at my emotions, as I have been really anxious about going back to school in a couple of weeks.  Here's the thing though: I know that God has placed me there for a specific reason.  It is such a blessing and I am excited to get back into things and even compete this indoor and outdoor track season.  I refuse to cloud over these blessings with anxiety and negativity.  The time to return will come soon enough, so until then: I will not worry about tomorrow.  When I'm there, I know I'll transition back and will be immediately enveloped in the love of the Lord that goes everywhere with me!

I had lots of fun exploring the
Indianapolis Museum of Art
this fall!

     If there's one word I would use to describe this year, it would be: restoration.  In 2012, I grew in hope.  In 2013, I began to throw off the fears that have limited me for so long.  It is still a work in progress, but that doesn't mean the testimony isn't worth giving!  God has begun to restore my joy, my faith, my boldness, my identity in Him, my confidence, my passion and vision and my health in all aspects of the word.  He has truly worked a miracle in a girl who's not worth saving.  For that reason, I'm eternally grateful for his work of grace in 2013 and I am expectantly hopeful for more and more of Him in this coming year.

I also got to go Duckpin Bowling
with the gang, during family weekend

     It's been my year of gratitude-- of things both big and small.  And now, I collectively can see the blessing in the entire 365 days.  And what happens to my journey of the year, "A Grateful 2013?"  My focus on being grateful is far from over, but 2014 has a new twist that I think you will like.  Click HERE to read more!  I hope you will continue along with me into the new year as I share more of God's goodness and a bit more of my own craziness :)

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas!

First Semester Finals: Done and Dusted

Remember way back when I was
about to go to college!?

     I'm blogging again, which means that finals are done and I have successfully completed my first semester at college.  I think back to Welcome Week and am truly amazed it was that long ago.  I have seen so much growth in not only my academics, but also my personal character.  It has been a semester of learning to step outside my comfort zone and stretch the limits I thought I had set firmly-- in a good way, that is.
     I am so thankful for my supportive family and friends who have been praying every step of the way.  It never ceases to amaze me how God purposefully places people along the way to encourage and minister to his children.  I've seen the evidence of that in so many ways.
     My semester started out really bumpy, and I was pretty sure that I was the most homesick college freshman on the face of the planet- one who was also super emotional and prone to exaggerating.  While I might not have been the most homesick freshman, I would dare to say I was pretty far down the line.

     I started the year with a stress fracture in my right hip.  More importantly, I was emotionally unstable and insecure in my identity in Christ.  While I can't say that I've figured out my life in these first few months of college, I can say that I've come to a better acceptance that I will never figure everything out, and that is ok.  I don't have to control everything, know everything or have perfection in everything.  That doesn't mean I have to love every trial and test, but I can choose to find God's presence in every moment and decide to live in his joy.  That's something I learned in a revolutionary way through the book, Practicing His Presence.
     Slowly, as I sought God through my injury and the massive changes in my new life, I began to see how complete I am without the label of a runner or a student or a "perfect" daughter, or just about any other box I can trap myself in.  I don't have to conjure up a label because I'm far more than any of that.
     As that lesson was being beat into my head, I also started to gain confidence back.  Now, I'm not talking about the "believe and achieve" kind of confidence.  I'm talking about confidence that God has created me beautifully and has great plans for me.  As I had struggled through a heartbreaking senior year as an athlete and in family matters, I had all but lost that confidence.  I'd resolved to trying to control all that I could so I wouldn't have to trust God, who I had thought let me down.
     He worked in my heart though, and I began to see how much of a blessing the injury really was.  I was able to get my firm ground in faith in my new surroundings, without running- which had become not only an idol, but also a source of identity.
     After Thanksgiving break, I had a new mission: to reach out to others and leave my self-focused pity party in the past.  It was really difficult, but I started to feel a lot more at home at college.  God also continued his work of healing in me and I was able to start running with my team.
      It was super exciting because I had been in a funk for over a year.  Running was not really fun, it was an obligation and I did it in hopes of getting back to that joy I'd had in the past.  I was living with a measly dose of hope that things would return to how they had been.  Turns out: God doesn't dwell hopelessly in the past like I often do.  Thankfully, he moves way ahead of our plans and has much greater things ahead than those that lay behind.  As I started getting my iron levels up (they had been down at 8 earlier in the fall!) and gained confidence, I really started to see God's joy in my running in ways I never had before.       Now, I am enjoying just running with him, but I also have hope that he has great plans in this area of ministry.  The best part?  I don't have to worry about what those plans are.  I just get to sit back and trust that I will receive them in due time.
     Yes, it is a lot easier said than done, but I'm starting to get it through my thick head that God really is in control in an amazing, powerful, awesome way.
     Here's to one life-changing, faith-building semester at college.  It has been a crazy, painful and joyful journey so far and I can't wait to see what God brings next.
     For now, I'm enjoying the warmth of family and being home.  It is a much needed rest!  Merry Christmas and thank you all for your prayers and love during the chaos that has been my life lately.  I hope this update/recap serves to evidence God's moving power in our everyday lives.  Enjoy this week of Christmas preparation and be joyful!

What I've Been up to: Dec. 3

    Ok, I clearly have not kept up with blogging lately.  To tell the truth, I haven't had the desire to recount all the details of life lately- too much to remember!  I also have been so swamped with schoolwork, that when I have free time, my brain has pretty much shut off for the day.  So, I will attempt to recount the last few weeks:


1. Thanksgiving Break!

Family Christmastime fun!

Oh my goodness!  It was such an amazing time to be at home and see my family.  We had our first Thanksgiving at my dad's new house, which was really special.  I also got to catch up with my relatives and friends who came to celebrate with us.  I can't describe how exciting it is for a college student to ride home and await seeing your parent for the first time in weeks.  I rode the Megabus back-- I highly recommend it-- and was so thrilled to finally hug my daddy!  Everyone else was out of town so dad and I got to go out to dinner and spend the evening together.  It was so special to have quality time with him, which continued into Saturday when we drove to Terre Haute for the National XC Championships.  Butler placed 3rd and I was so so happy we drove out to see such an exciting moment!  I let myself sleep in a little, had an "old fashioned" game night with friends, got in the Christmas spirit with the annual family trip to Oakland Nursery and had an amazing time at home.  While it was very hard for me to come back-- I always struggle with transitions-- I am doing a lot better today and I am fully aware that God has me here for a specific purpose!


2. Running Running Running!

For a while, I've been on a never-ending journey toward running again.  I've started running progressions, and then had to stop because of other issues.  Finally, I'm out on the trails again.  I've been praying for quite some time that running will be joyful again.  After a heartbreaking senior year of xc and track, I had all but given up on hope of enjoying and succeeding as a runner again.  It's something I don't take lightly too either, because I see so much of God's joy in my running and I did not want to lose that.  So I'm refocusing and trying to build up hope again.  That is why I am so happy to report that running is fun again.  The first few runs back were miserable and I couldn't help but stop a lot of the time.  But I am feeding my body better and I am feeling so much better every single run.  I'm up to 45 min. runs with a cross training day after 2 days of running.  Tomorrow, I get to run with the team for the first time since I've been injured!  Praise the Lord for healing and restoration.  I know there is still a long ways to go physically, emotionally and spiritually.  Yet, I also know that God has already done so much and he is faithful.  There is no need to worry about how fast I will go or what place I will get, because my only job is to do my best and let God worry about the details.  I am so blessed to be able to enjoy running again and I cannot express how grateful I am for that!

3. Finals Preparation
Thus begins the finals preparation.  We have two weeks of classes before finals start on the 16.  I am very blessed and have my last two finals on that first day (Monday).  I have one final that is given a week earlier and my other two classes don't have a typical final format.  That means I will be home with the family by Tuesday!  I am very very thankful for that.  It does mean that I have a pretty stressful few weeks of projects, studying and early tests though.  This week was actually the hardest, with a speech today and a presentation tomorrow.  But I felt good about the speech and am ready for the group presentation, so I coasting home at this point.  Or...at least that is what I'm telling myself!  In the midst of this craziness, I'm also trying to get out there more and be more sociable- something I've been lacking in.  That is both a praise in progress and a prayer request!

Anyway,  happy Tuesday and I promise that some "fun" posts are on their way.  In the meantime, I'm trying to figure out how to decorate my dorm room for Christmas aside from the mirror and window drawings I have made already.  Stipulations?  We can't have any lights or hang anything from the ceiling.  I need your ideas!

My gorgeous window art

What I'm Thankful for on November 7

     I started this blog with the intention of recounting all I am grateful for, so it seems fitting that I do something "thanks" oriented during the month of November especially.  I've got a few ideas, but I'm still thinking.  More on that next week.

Amen! (photo credit: heartofwisdom.com)

     Anyway,  I am very thankful that my family is coming this weekend (RELATED: Family Weekend).  At the same time, I'm thankful that God has really been ministering to me lately and I am more hopeful and joyful than ever.  I am no longer in anguish waiting for to see my mom and dad, which is a positive sign that I'm-- finally-- adjusting!  In the past few weeks, I've been figuring out my schedule for next semester as well as dealing with a new tweak-of-an-injury.  Hopefully, you'll think its just as bizarre as I think: I have rib disfunction.  Or, at least, that's what the doctor thinks.  I'm getting in to see a back specialist in a few days, so I'll know more then.  It all started after my run last Saturday.  I stopped to tie a shoe at the end of the run, and then could not run again when I tried!  My upper back hurt so terribly that I couldn't take the pounding motion of running.   Since then, it hasn't gotten any better.  It hurts when I go up and down stairs and when I take an abnormally deep breath.  For most people, this wouldn't be too bad-- just avoid stairs and breath normally!  For a runner, though, it's a bit of an issue.  I haven't been able to run since Saturday and I'm pretty bummed about it.  Not to mention, I've been feeling more distant from God this week.  I think the latter is because I've been so busy with school and excited with my family coming, that I haven't been so desperate on him to renew my thoughts and keep me going.  Busyness is often stressful, but it also has a way of keeping the mind occupied.  This is not beneficial in the walk of faith, without constant practice of God's presence.
     However, I also recognize that Christ has lavished us with forgiveness, and I am so grateful for that.  I also know that it's not all about feeling.  I've been speaking to God, thanking him and communing with him the past few days.  Not having a desired "feeling" doesn't make God any less present.  For an emotionally driven person though, that's a little harder to remember.
     But now I'm digressing.  In regard to my back, I've found that I have a lot of impatience toward God about healing.  But I'm so thankful that we can always go back to the throne of grace!

Lord, thank you that you are my healer and you know what you are doing.  You don't need to be told how to do things in my life, for you have already created great and wonderful plans for me.  Thank you daddy.  Please reveal yourself more and more in my life and open my eyes to more of your presence.  I have failed this week in keeping you central amongst the excitement and chaos.  Forgive me and draw near me again.  You are all I want and all I need.  I desire your love and your presence in my life, and nothing else.  You're daddy.  You love me and I love you so much.

My Week: Running Progression, God's Kindness and

     As I've embarked on my latest journey to increase the presence of God in my daily life, I've been struck by the little blessings he places along the way.  If you need a refresher, or have no clue what I'm talking about, click HERE, HERE, and HERE to read about this awesome adventure!
     After a rocky start to last week-- after coming back from an awesome fall break--I slowly eased into things and have been doing better than ever.  I am progressing in my running still.  It is a seven week progression until I'm 100%, and I'm on week three I believe.  I run every other day and tomorrow I am doing 20 min. running, 2 min. walking, 10 min. running.  Basically, I started increasing the proportion of running a few weeks ago and now I'm backing off on the walking time in between.  It's a long process, but it's important I don't just throw my hip into a 60 min. distance run right away.  Mentally, it is helpful as well, being that I haven't run in so long.  It is giving me an awesome chance to start from the top and remember why I love running so much. Although it's not a walk in the park because I'm out of running shape, I've been cross training very hard and am confident that God has got a super plan for the future of my running ministry.  Yes, I believe that means awesome success.  But it is not limited to just that!  I have grown so close to him in this bittersweet time and I know I will be able to have a special ministry for those who are injured like I have been.

photo credit: southwestern.edu

     Schoolwork, classes, working out/running, rehab and life in general have been keeping me pretty busy lately, but it's a good busy.  I am glad that I am feeling less homesick and more at home and God is opening my eyes to more and more every day.
     For instance, take what happened on Sunday night for example: God showed me kindness through the awesome employees at Butler!  The dining halls usually have great, nutritious food, but I noticed on Sunday night that they were still out of the gluten free cereal that they keep in a specially dedicated "Allergy section."  So, I asked an employee and he said he would go to the back and get some.  Sure enough, he came out with cereals and refilled the containers.  While doing so, he asked me which one I wanted to take.  "Take?" I asked, "what do you mean?"  Through a long and awkward conversation, I found out he was actually serious: he said it was totally fine if I took a box.  I told him which one I liked.  "Good choice," he answered, "I'll be right back."  He soon returned with a box of cereal and a box of gluten free cookies.  He told me to just ask if I needed anything else, and I was immediately amazed at God's love.  I had been asking all day for God to give me someone to bless, and here, in the simplest of ways: someone else had blessed me.  It wasn't about the yummy cereal that I can eat because it's gluten free.  Rather, it was how he went out of his way to not just help me, but to serve me.  Isn't that exactly what Christ did, and does, for us!?  Then I went downstairs where the cashier at the convenience store brought out the sushi chef because she knew that I liked the vegetable rolls, but they almost never had them.  Now, the sushi chef is going to make them twice a week so I have my veggie rolls when I want.  Again, not about the food, but about the servant's heart in these kind people.  I want to be like that!  I want to bring such joy to someone else's day that they can't help but think they are special and loved.  

These aren't in any particular order,
but as you can see: they're about to tumble!

Lord, please open the doors and open my eyes to all these opportunities.  I know they are there, but I get so inward focused that I so often miss them.  But I know you forgive and restore me, and you know my heart longs to love you and your children.

     Yesterday, it was so gorgeous and sunny out that I decided to walk to the athletic training room rather than ride my bike.  You know what I discovered?  That 15 min. walk was the most tranquil and blissful time of my day with God.  I was able to really talk to him rather than just ride my bike as the quicker option.  Then I realized: God had made that beautiful day because he knew it would cause me to walk and that would cause me to speak with him, and he desperately wanted to speak with me.  How awesome it that!?!?!?  He showed me that same love when my daddy took the time to call me yesterday even though he didn't have the time, and when my mom texted me goodnight because she knows I get the most homesick at night and in the early morning.  I have so much evidence of love around me, so many examples of how I can be a blessing as well.  Not in spite of, but because of the craziness I'm living in, there is a need to reach out and show God's love to others.  It pulls me out of self-centered land and brings me joy and perspective.  I might see some of these people only once in my life-- doubtful at Butler, but possible-- and I want that one memory to be one of joy that shows Christ's love.
 

What I'm Grateful for on October 27

     Life has been a whirlwind lately, and although I could probably start off any post by saying that, it is especially true lately.  My emotions have been going a million miles an hour, but I am slowly drawing closer to Jesus and further from the chaos that seeks my attention.  A while back, I posted on God's amazing grace (see: God's Grace, Not a Counterfeit), and it is something that is particularly striking me today as well.
     Ever since returning from Fall Break, I have been facing some pretty tough spiritual warfare and am constantly reminded that I can't do it on my own.  God is right here with me and his grace allows me, and all of us, to be free from condemnation.  Yet, this is only the case if we open the door up to your spirit and allow the grace to reign down on us.
     Along those lines, I am so grateful that I have had such a spirit filled month.  After reading Practicing His Presence (RELATED: Book Review of Practicing His Presence) I have been struck by how real and alive God is in everyday moments.  Despite all of this however, I've found myself getting bogged down by the monotony of life and the self-condemnation for falling into old sinful habits and thus losing sight of God.  That's when I get in the cycle of perfection, control, anger and discouragement.  But, I'm not here to tell you all my life's issues.  While I believe there is great spiritual value in writing and releasing emotions, the internet is probably not the place for it, AND we must be careful lest we go back "like a dog to its own vomit" (Proverbs 26:11).  For instance, if I've already prayed that God will release his spirit in me and forgive me for how I've failed lately, there's no sense in going back and pleading that same prayer over and over again.  He has already forgiven and he is with us.  What we really need to do is command our spirit to come into alignment with what He has already told us.
     So you might be asking where I'm going with all this...not exactly sure myself.  I think my point is that God's spirit must be released in us in order to experience this grace and peace and joy and all those other awesome fruits.  When we pray to the spirit, perhaps its time we actually expect what we are praying for to come about.  If we ask for forgiveness, we need to receive it and move on.  I've often heard it said that in the same way the Holy Spirit is like a dove, he will not force himself onto those whose hearts are not open; he will not land where there is turmoil and unrest.  Relax my friends.  Believe me, I'm saying it to you as much as I am to myself.  There is hope for the future.  There is a great plan that Christ has for us and nothing we can do can stop that.  You can't mess up God's plans-- you might delay them, but you cannot stop them!  There is such freedom in following Christ, that all else begins to fade away.  I don't know about you, but I'm sick of the control, the fear, the anxiety, the loneliness and the self-hatred that come when I board my heart up and try to make it on my own.  I'm tired of repeating the same prayers to God because I'm not really praying them at all, but rather, I'm trying to assure myself.  RELAX.....breathe....  Daddy is right here and he has great rest and relaxation for his children.  We don't need to have any fear over what might be.  All we do is cuddle up, be with him and allow his spirit to manifest in our lives.  It's not exactly easy, but it is worth it.
     Every day, we can make the decision whether to follow God in freedom or retreat back into bondage without his Holy Spirit.  Choose Christ today!  I've found, the more I release to Christ, the more I want of him and the less I desire the tempting sins and controlling desires of the flesh.  He reveals more and more and more.  It doesn't all happen in one day, but if your tired of a life lived in complacency, decide with me that you are going to release to Jesus' hands today.

Back to School I Go

     I haven't forgotten about the blog, I promise.  In reality, I am pressed for time in just about everything lately.  I had an amazing time at home during Fall Break.  I got to hang out with my mom, walk the the cutest chocolate lab ever-- Lily-- walk with my daddy, see my little brother run his first district cross country race, hang with my older brother, see my best friend, visit with my church family and plenty of other fun-filled stuff!  I was struck by how blessed I am to have such amazing people who love me.  I can't describe how excited I was to pull into the parking lot where my dad was picking me up, and waiting an agonizing two minutes to see him pull in.
     Now, I'm back at campus and slowly getting back into the groove of things.  It was a really rough first day, I'll admit.  I was a complete wreck, but desperate for God to show me whatever he had for me.  I've found that college has drawn me so much closer to God than ever, and this was the epitome of that.  I was discouraged by the monotony of everything, so I drew closer to him and saw that he has given us-- his children-- the authority to declare his joy in our lives.  I am getting closer to truly running (I was able to run 24 minutes today!), I am studying at an amazing college, I'm doing well in my classes and I have a family that loves me immensely.  Yet, even without all these things: I can choose joy because Christ is living inside of me.  When I thought about it like that, it helped put my life in perspective a little better.  So I'm taking it one day at a time, just looking at the next step so I don't get overwhelmed by how much time stands between me and another sweet embrace with my mom and dad.  I have so much more to tell, and will do so when I find more free time!  Possibly tomorrow…although I never know what the "dreaded Wednesday" will hold.  I declare that I will find the joy in even Wednesdays though!  God, I pray you will open my eyes to all the glory and adventure.  Be my secret place, draw me nearer to you so that nothing else satisfies!

What I'm Grateful for on Oct 9

     Welcome to Wednesday!  You've made it this far already, and that's no small feat.  Consider it this way: you are currently being more effective as one person than the 4.8 million (according to the Business Insider) people who make up the U.S. national government!  Sorry, couldn't resist.  And in all honesty, most of them are completely innocent in this unfortunate event.  However, it does make us feel a little more productive on the individual level.
     I've had a real blessing of a week so far.  I'm finding that God's presence really is enough to bring me joy when I'm dragged down by stress and chaos.  I'm still praying that I will experience more of his love in an emotional way, because I haven't really had that yet in my journey for more of God.  I'm not sure why, but I do know that there's a great reason for it.  This past Sunday, I went forward at church to be prayed for in regard to having more of God in my life.  I am amazed at the power of prayer, and so grateful that the Holy Spirit nudged me.  There's no huge moment, no giant miracle, that has since occurred.  Yet, I feel a greater sense of peace and belonging.  I think I might be beginning to truly comprehend that his constant state toward me is love, and not anger.  I am enjoying pleasing him and talking to him, and I am finding that my mind is more frequently on his presence.
     Like I mentioned though, I haven't experienced a lot of the emotional side.  Perhaps that is so I will draw closer and really listen.  Sometimes, I figure it should just be easy: God should give powerful dreams every night of his glory and I should see visual displays while I'm walking to class. Heck, it would be nice if I saw an angel or two sitting in the treetops while I'm biking to workout in the mornings.  Ya, it doesn't always work that way.  While I'm not saying we shouldn't seek that revolutionary power of God, I am saying that when we, as believers, look only to the marvelous wonders that force us to look at God, we miss the subtle miracles that bless us as we draw near to God in order to notice them.  That is a lesson I am still learning.  However, I am praying for all these things, because his word says to ask for more of him and he will give it.

Book review HERE

     It's true: he really will give you more.  He will do so in such a way that you're tongue tied and not quite sure how to explain it-- like I am.  All I know is that I am desperate for more of God, hungry to be fed by only him.   It's a place that delivers boldness and peace, and reckless love.  That is where I want to be.  Always.  I am thankful that God keeps drawing closer to his children as we seek him.  Yet, I'm also grateful that we will never get to the point where we say, "Ok, I've already seen this. *Yawn*"  The nearer we walk with God, the more we see there is to him and the more we want that.  I pray that today, you will walk with him.  Take the least stressful hour in your day and see how often you can meditate on God (Click HERE to see how I started doing this).  It is talked about in Practicing the Presence (RELATED: God's Joy!), and it's something I've been finding great joy in (RELATED: "Practicing His Presence" book review).  The past two days, I've noticed it spills into other times in my day and that's exactly how faith should be: uncontainable and ever growing.  That is God's desire for each and every one of our lives.

• Click HERE to read my review on "Practicing His Presence."
• Do you struggle with resting in God's grace and love for you?  Me too!  That's why I wrote THIS post a few weeks ago on God's perfect peace.  Check it out!

First Visit to Downtown Indy

     While I've been in the city a couple of times, I haven't actually walked around and see Indianapolis much.  When my dad and I stayed there last year, we got to see a few blocks, but were too rushed for time to see more.  When my mom and I had some time before a visit to Butler last year, we planned on seeing the city as well, but decided on the NCAA Hall of Fame when inclement weather hit-- I'd definitely recommend the hall of fame though.

Sorry! It's super blurry, I know.

     Finally, I was able to see downtown.  Granted, it was raining, and we walked around the inside of the mall because of that.  It was still something new though.  It was cool to get out and see some of the city, even if it was from inside.  I enjoyed it and am looking forward to going back soon!
     Today, I saw the sports doctor again and-- barring any new soreness or problem-- I can start progressing back to running after this week.  That is a huge praise and I am so grateful (RELATED: What I'm Grateful for on Oct. 2)
     Speaking of prayer, I'm praying that the 100% chance of rain tomorrow morning breaks to sun.  I am not in the mood for another rainy bike ride to church!  At least I'll be more prepared this time and bring a change of clothes for the service.  Either way, I'm sure God has a blessing in it.

• Click HERE to read about the fun I had at the Indianapolis Children's Museum this past week!

I'm Feeling More Grateful For...

     This might not be a good idea, knowing how homesick I already feel, but I think that the homesickness it also reminding me how blessed I am to have to family and the home I do.  I try to always be thankful for what I have, so I think that absolutely applies right now too.  Although I'm missing the "old," I am so blessed with this new life God has given me.  I'm learning fascinating things, I'm meeting fascinating people, I'm learning to be independent and I'm thriving-- I'm the first to criticize myself, but I know it is true.

This is the gnome my brother
and I hide back and forth.

     Today wasn't at all what I wanted and it brought on the homesickness.  It was difficult, stressful and one thing after another.  But it not only reminded me to practice God's presence (RELATED: One Hour With God) but to also smile at the amazing things he has given me that I miss so much in the first place.
     Some of these are silly, yes, but so true!  Here's what I miss the most from home:

1. My daddy's hugs
2. Watching survival/home shows with my mom and/or little brother
3. Hiding my brother's gnome in our ongoing game of "hiding the gnome" (It's been on my fan, his backpack, the shower, ect).
4. Having a bathroom that's not a MILLION MILES AWAY..haha
5. Having a microwave that's not A MILLION MILES AWAY
6. Saturday morning cross country meets
7. Sunday mornings with my church family
8. Flopping onto my bed (and not having to climb on a desk and dresser to get there)
9. Family game/movie nights
10. Long runs with friends
11. Walks at Highbanks with my mom
12. Walks around the neighborhood with daddy

The good ol' college days with
the trusty shower caddy

13. Playing with Lily (my adorable chocolate lab)
14. Car rides with my little bro
15. Thursday night prayer group
16. Wednesday night Bible studies
17. Courier brainstorming and Pinterest discussions with my friend Hannah!
18. Hanging out with my older bro
19. My favorite foods, and not having to go to a dining hall to get them
20. Relaxing and laughing with my old friends and family

But there are also things I love...

1. Reading with God up on my bunk bed
2. Early morning bike rides to swim/workout at the HRC when I sing to God and its just him, me, and the stars
3. Getting to decorate and personalize my new space
4. Texting and calling my parents and friends, and having higher quality conversations in the process
5. New friends!  New ideas!  New adventures!
6. Piggybacking off #5: I'm loving exploring on my bike! It's so much fun!
7. The worry and anxiety about everything changing.  It's changed, and I'm still here :)

What I'm Grateful For on September 18

 It's odd, but I feel as if nothing has really change.  In reality, life has been a whirl of activity lately, leaving me with little idea as to what has been happening.  That is why I enjoy times like this when I can sit down and review-- take inventory-- of where I'm at.
     I was really grateful for an awesome getaway with my mom this past weekend.  We had a blast in Chicago (RELATED: Shedd Aquarium: A Must See Attraction) and I took plenty of pictures (Click HERE to see some more).

Here's some Chicago fun from this past weekend.

     In many ways though, I am feeling much more homesick lately.  Having a couple of days with my mom-- and a super comfy hotel bed-- made it very hard to come back and get back into the swing of college life.  The change in weather has also brought out a bit of nostalgia.  For the first couple of days, it seemed that everything reminded me of home.  It makes sense though, because I've spent the first 18 Septembers in my life surrounded by my family at home.
     Classes are finally picking up, and while I'm finding my workload has increased (Two hours of math homework this morning...yuck!), I am handling it quite well by operating on a "work" schedule from roughly 9-4.  This allows me to get most of my work done, and causes me to be very grateful for the work ethic that's already been instilled in me.  I know I'm very well off in that area compared to many!
     Overall, I've been keeping plenty busy with classes, Bible studies, cross country rehab and training, and trying to sleep enough!  Today is my busiest day, but I'm handling it a lot better than last Wednesday, for sure (RELATED: Crazy Wednesday)!  On a side note, tomorrow I plan to go back to the fresh fruit market.  While I'm there, a couple of friends and I are going to go on the high ropes course we have on campus (Yes: it's pretty awesome!) which I'm super excited for!  I'm hoping the cold weather from early this week doesn't return, or it'll make for a chilly adventure.  On the bright side: I've been able to enjoy my tea more :)  I'm really grateful for tea, like: REALLY grateful!
     My success of the day was jumping right out of bed at 6:10 to go to practice for core, then go straight to swim, go to the trainers, than quickly ride my bike to statistics class.  It was a busy and successful couple of hours.  I'm gearing up for my Wednesday night craziness of dinner, Spanish class, study tables, and at 10 p.m. meeting.  But God's got it and I'm determined to find the joy in every moment!

Halfway There: A Week of Trials Thus Far

     Believe it or not, this is my first full week of school, which is why it's dragging on forever.  Monday was killer.  I got all my school work done, but struggled to fit in all the other necessary activities-- seeing the physical trainer, going to freshmen-athlete study tables, Spanish class @ 7 p.m., and eating in between everything!  I basically broke down on Monday night.  I think it was a combination of tiredness and homesickness.  Either way, I decided I wasn't going to let the day "happen" to me anymore.  I need to be proactive and set my mind that I'm going to walk through the day with joy and determination.

     I think the most frustrating part though, is all the spiritual warfare that's been flying my way.  For instance: I typed up my life Bible passage (Hebrews 10:32-39) and hung it in my dorm room with sticky tabs when I got here.  The first few weeks, it ended every day hanging by a thread to the wall.  Finally, it fell.  After it fell three more times in a matter of days, I began to figure out a new plan. Gravity, I reasoned, was the culprit; I couldn't hang it up on my ceiling in high humidity and expect it to just stay there.  So I grabbed 6 more sticky tabs and hung it on the wall beside my bed.  It fell.  And fell.  And fell.  Shouldn't 9 (Brand new) sticky tabs be able to hold up a piece of paper?  I mean, 8 are holding up my giant running poster just fine.  Four are holding up another piece of paper right next to where I had my Hebrews 10:32-39!  

     I've also been having some pretty bad nightmares.  A lot of fear.  I know God is revealing a lot to me through these dreams, but I don't think they are of him because I wake up terrified in the middle of the night!  Satan doesn't even give us a break when we're sleeping!  But my dad reminded me last night that actively praying for joy and rest will really help me in this.  God loves it when I speak to him, but lately, I've been less willing and more: "Take it away!"  Ya, I know.... really mature of me.

     I'm grateful that I've been able to get cross training again.  I'm able to swim for 30-40 min., and I can slowly increase it as my hip agrees.  I'm doing rehab exercises as well, and I'm finally starting to think I'm moving forward!  God is moving in all these things, otherwise: I wouldn't be making it through this crazy week!

Go Ahead and Celebrate the Little Things!

     With my perfectionist tendencies, I've learned to value celebrating the little things.  My dad started telling me that a few years ago, and I now realize how important it is to stop and look at the successes and the little victories along the way in life.  God does some pretty HUGE things, but he also does little things that are so intricate and beautiful.  We often miss them in the blink of an eye though.  For instance, I hardly realized that today-- yes, TODAY-- marks 3 weeks since I shipped off to college and turned my life upside down.  I'm seeing God work in amazing ways though (RELATED: God's Perfect Peace) and it makes it so much easier when I know I am exactly where God wants me.  He planned this out for me and I am so grateful for all he has done and will continue to do.
     I hope you can take a minute and look at the little successes God has brought you this month, this week, and even this day.  Don't loose the blessings in the rapid pace of life.  Here's to three weeks:

What I'm Grateful for on September 7

     Today, I'm grateful for so much!  Yesterday, we traveled to the first cross country meet.  I really focused on being uplifting and cheering for the other girls.  If I know my God has got everything in his hands, I don't have to be sad or worry about not being able to run.  Granted, it wasn't actually that easy, but I was so grateful that God gave me so much peace throughout the day.  I was also blessed by all the encouragement that came from others.  The best part-- by far-- was getting to see my daddy!  He had planned to come out and see me run-- which was soiled with news of my stress fracture last week-- but was still eager to just see me.  That made me feel so so special and loved.  I remember I was just grinning ear to ear as soon as I saw him!  I am so thankful that he drove all the way there, and braved the six hour drive back to Indianapolis (to drop me off) and then Columbus.  It meant the world to me, and I treasured ever moment of our drive time.  I would not let myself fall asleep, so I didn't get to bed until I'd thrown my stuff on my desk chair and hopped up to bed at one in the morning.

     Dad also brought an extremely loving care package with notes from the family-- my little bro's especially cracked me up!  It had more bars, cereal, a lap desk, a Runner's World magazine and lots of other goodies!  I also received an Itunes card that I eagerly used to download some new worship music.  If you're looking for some good ones, I really recommend "You Speak" by Audrey Assad, "Unstoppable Love" by Kim Walker-Smith, and "Your Love is Like a River" by Third Day.  I realized that one aspect I've been missing at college is worship music.  It's often hard to find a place and time to listen to music, since I seem to always lose my headphones and I'm living with two other people!  Although I've been enjoying morning walks with God and singing to him myself, listening to new music is awesome!
     Overall, I have so much to be grateful for.  Not for a minute can I slip into the mentality that pities the losses and qualifies the wonders of God.  As Ryan Hall says, "If we have thankful hearts we are untouchable."  The thing I find so cool is that I can actually say I have so much joy right now.  I keep thinking: "How is that possible?  I can't run for the whole cross country season!  I can't even do anything right now but watch everyone else get ahead and chase my dreams?"  I'm really disappointed, but NEVER without hope (RELATED: God's Perfect Peace) and peace.
     God is moving and I can't wait to see what he does next!  Tomorrow, I'm riding my bike to a new church I'm excited about visiting.  I've got all my homework done for the weekend.  My mom is coming next weekend and we're going to Chicago.  There's so much to be excited and grateful for!  And hopefully I see my daddy soon...I miss him already :(

What I'm Grateful for on September 2

     I haven't really felt like blogging the past couple of days, mainly because there is so much to write about that delving into it seems like a big job.  It really isn't though.  Basically, I want to write a post about the cool things I'm discovering about Indianapolis, my adventure bike ride to Target the other day-- I've never been to excited to be in a grocery store-- and the work God is doing in my life.
     I figured Labor Day would be pretty exciting, but there has been very little to do, in reality.  There were some festivities out on the campus mall and I ventured out for a little while to check it out.  There wasn't a whole lot I could do though without some friends-- although I did make a few while I was there.  And unfortunately, most of the girls were finishing (or starting) homework.  I finished most of mine on Friday...so was a lonely nerd for most of the day.
     But I am really grateful for the time I've had with God lately.  I'm learning that my attention span is pretty bad during the evenings, but I've grown fond on my morning walks with God.  This morning, I just walked, sipped my Mocha Mint Tazo Tea, and started singing to God.  Yesterday, I was so overwhelmed that I just kept writing how much I love God and why I love him.  Crazy, right?  Just two days ago I was so angry with God that I didn't want to utter a word in the upward direction.  But he has placed a sense of peace on my heart, and I know that he is doing something amazing through this.  Life won't always be this hard, but it is preparing me for something great in the future.  I was struck this morning by that very fact though: God WANTS to bless me.  He doesn't just care about my "character"  like I often assume-- although the way I act is super important.  He doesn't want me to suffer so I can be a stronger person.  He is using this, but he also seeks to bless my running.
     So then I asked myself: If you truly believe God wants to bless your running and let you run to the very best of your ability and in the supernatural, and if you truly believe he is all powerful and Lord of the universe: would you be so afraid?  Would you not just relax and put a smile on!?
     I think that's a good question for all of us as well.  Happy Labor Day, and I hope you're as grateful as I am for the laboring love of the father!

Spiritual Warfare to the Max

     This has been a hard week in that my hip/glute injury is not getting better, and in fact: a bit worse.  Despite a week of aqua jogging-- which is quite fun actually-- it is hurting when I walk around and the rehab exercises don't seem to make a difference.  This has really taken a toll on my faith that God has got everything in his hands (RELATED: See How God is Using the Trial by clicking HERE).  I have decided to use my time while I wait though.  God is so good, so this is going to be great.  Just wanted to update friends and family though, and would ask that you keep praying for both this and my homesickness.  I am truly grateful for all of you though.  My best friend sent me my first official package this week, and it made my day! I plan to write letters to all of you though, or at least as many as I can.  I have 100 stamps...so time is the only determining factor in all honesty!  Tonight, I'm going to see the doctor again, but the trainer told me he will most likely order an MRI.  That means I get 45 minutes to just lay and talk with God, right?  That's how I'm choosing to view it!

Freshmen Welcome Week Commences!

     All the parents and freshmen are swarming campus still, filling up the lines at Starbucks and crowding the dining halls-- which aren't open for lunch by the way, because they assume students will go out to lunch with their parents.  So sad for me!  I'm supposed to take the day off of running or cross training to really get my hip/glute injury to heal up.  Here's the cool thing though: I was up this morning and was really upset because I couldn't do the long run today.  But God immediately spoke to me and said: "How about you spend the time that you would've spent running, being with me."  So I got up and walked over to the Starbucks with my Bible, devotional, and pen.  I just sat there and began to listen and study my Women of Faith study focused on Grace.
     I've been angry.  Downright grumpy and upset.  In my head, I would be running and prepping for an amazing college season.  Instead, I've been doing rehab and cycling, with extremely inflamed glute muscles and hopefully not a stress fracture.  All week I have lived in this mindset that God was angry at me, that I had to DO something to get him to do what I wanted.  Yet, I've been missing out on finding him in the midst of this.  This morning, he showed me how prevalent grace is in my situation.  I don't deserve healing.  In fact, I really deserve pain and suffering and loneliness.  But Jesus is with me and he has promised me good things.  That is radical grace.  And me?  All I've been wanting is for God to do what I want, and nothing else.  Just like the prodigal's son, I want the goods from my father and that's it.      This morning though, God opened my eyes to something new.
     My senior running season was a mess; it was awful and discouraging.  As a result, I've started to run and look at running through a lens of fear and selfishness.  I know God is in control and in complete abandon, I am choosing to give up my right to judge this situation by what I can see.  In the meantime though, I don't want to be healed back to brokenness.  I want to be running in joy and with a focus on Jesus and Jesus alone.  I need not be afraid of all that other stuff that has taken the fun out of the gift God has given me.  While I wait on his amazing grace, I will proclaim freedom over who I am.  I'm not just a runner, I am a daughter of the most high and I will not be afraid.
     If I truly believe that God is the creator of this entire world, if I really wrap my head around the concept that he is GOOD, then I have nothing to fear.  This is my time to rest in his arms while he moves the world and moves in me.
     When I return to running and receive the harvest that God has prepared in all areas of my life, I want to be a good steward of it.  Part of that is knowing that my talent is for him alone and not for my glory and my selfish gain.  Part of it is knowing that there is great joy in this waiting period, in this time with him.  Although I can't change my whole mindset and make myself more patient; trusting; selfless; God centered; faithful; joyful; and graceful, I know that I can focus on my heavenly father during this time and my communion with him will align all those other things.  What I can do though is command the fear out of my life.  I will not allow the fear of what others think and of my own incapability stop the amazing things God has planned for my life.  I will not let running become my life and lose sight of the reason I do it in the first place.  While I wait, I can refocus on these goals and be prepared for the battle that lies ahead.

Amen!  The weight of fear and anxiety is lifted off of me and onto the son.

     I pray that you give me a vision of what you see for me Lord and of the way you love me.   For I tend to get my vision of myself mixed up with yours.  You are the God of grace, abounding in love.  You not only CAN heal my body and my spirit, but you WILL.  I am here daddy, and I am using this time to come closer to you and to the woman you've created me to be.  I surrender in complete abandon and I don't have to worry anymore.  You've got this, you are actively working and Jesus is interceding on my behalf.  I can relax and enjoy this period of time, knowing that whatever you have planned for me is good.  I know that you want to be glorified in my excellence in running, so I pray for that, as a desire of my heart.  But I pray that my eyes will be stayed on you, knowing running is one output of my faith, but it isn't my faith and it's nowhere close to being the chief reason I'm here.  I'm here to meet with you, be with you, and to show your love as a witness.  You are so good.  Nothing and no circumstance can change that.  I believe you are good, I declare you are good.  I will not accept the lies that say otherwise.  I will not accept the fear that threatens to steal this sacred time I have with you.  I love you daddy.  You are marvelous in all your ways and I trust you.