10 ways to be awkward in the gym locker room

     I just returned from the gym, and once again my teenage mind is swarming with ideas.  Please tell me I'm not the only one who stands in the locker room wondering if everyone else feels as awkward as I do.  It's just an awkward place!  Aside from one lady who wanted me to join her efforts to defy the pool schedule, no one even talks in there. That brings me to my next question, the immature teenage one: what are the funniest things to do in the locker room?  Don't worry, I've compiled a list for you.  All you need to do is risk your reputation and sanity by testing the waters with one of these next time:   

*This article and the contained list are clean and appropriate of course!  


1. Run into all the bathroom stalls continuously flushing the toilets.  If someone tries to use one, forcefully assert: "Excuse me!  Can't you see I'm using this equipment right now?!'
2. Hide in a locker until someone opens it later that day--WARNING: this one could occupy you for a good 6-19 hours-- once they suspiciously place their stuff in another one and hopefully don't lock it, put their bag in another locker and jump in again.  It'll be even better the second time!
3. Bring your trumpet into the shower and begin playing some sick jazz music!

Oh...the many awkward options at the gym

4. Roll around on the floor, moaning: "germs! germs!"
5. Put on your best Bear Grills attire and explain to others that you've been searching civilization for the three days, but cannot find your way out of the thick forest terrain.  Ask them to join you on your journey.
6. Hand someone you camera phone and ask them to please take a picture of your foot, because your worried the fungus is coming back, and need to show your doctor.
7. Spring into the locker room in a beeline to the sinks, screaming: "Water! Water! Water!"  Proceed to turn on the faucet and just stare while singing a hip-hop rendition of Kumbaya.
8. Ask someone to spot you while you climb to the top of the lockers and practice your Spidey-skills by shooting webs at them.
9. Stand inside the locker room door and ask those who enter for a shoe, in return for admittance to your kingdom.
10. Come prepared with a two cartons of eggs.  Crack and deposit one into each unlocked locker, whispering tidings of "Happy Easter!" as you go.

I'd sure like to hear your stories of being kicked out of the gym!  And do tell me: are there any others you would add to the lists?