After a brief period of, in all honesty, a pity session. I was completely broken down. In the realization that woe-is-me wasn't helping at all, I went to the Lord. I meditated on verses like Psalm 23 and Isaiah 54:10, which says: "Thought the mountains may move and the hills disappear, even then my steadfast love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken," says the Lord God who has mercy on you."
And I dove into the book of Joshua, taking strength from the sovereign power with which God leads the Israelites. Now, it wasn't like a giant "ah ha" moment, but it did finally hit me. The Lord showed me that I have nothing to fear, nothing to be worried about. For even if all my abilities, dreams and supports are stripped away, He does not fail His children.
See, my man Joshua wasn't without fear when he took over for Moses. In fact, I'm pretty sure he was quaking in his little Bible-sandals, because he was suddenly thrust into a position of leadership over a people who were not exactly easy to deal with. As if to reassure him, the Israelites said: "We will listen to you just as we did Moses." Josh was probably rolling his eyes at that one, like: "Ok, do you not remember how Moses left for a few days and you all decided to start worshipping a golden cow?!"
The past few weeks, I've jokingly lamented to friends: "I am basically failing at life right now." Dramatic, yes, but it feels entirely accurate. I've missed time with friends, messed up at work, accidentally stood up my own grandmother-- sorry grammy! I'm not only failing at adulting, I'm failing at life in general, so it seems (I'm pretty sure I could publish an entire blog on my hatred of failure....but, I digress)
But here's the beauty in it all: We are in the midst of a greater story. If you feel overwhelmed by life lately, remember that Joshua waiting a long time for the promised land, like a loooooooooong time. Sometimes breakthroughs take a while, and oftentimes: They don't look how we expected them to.
And when we do, our failures and fears and fatigue seem much less pressing. He's never lost and He never will. So hold your head up, friend. Keep marching on. And when you feel like you're about to go under, reach out to the Lord. He's never left you.