My aim is not to prove everyone wrong and to proudly triumph. Rather, my aim is to prove worthy the gospel of Jesus Christ, He who has already triumphed and is drawing me closer day after day.
Sometimes my pride gets in the way and I forget this. I used to think "Wow, my life is going to make a good movie someday!" No joke: I used to imagine it frequently-- more so after I saw movies like "Chariot's Of Fire" and "Unbreakable".
But I don't want to be just another face, another self-infatuated human on an earth of self-infatuation. I'm so sick of myself sometimes.
This started out as a Facebook post that got too wordy, and had too much substance. So...here is goes:
Worthiness has been on my mind a lot lately, both my own worthiness and that of society at large. For the past year of my life, I've been really focused on me, because when your life is on the brink of collapse, you have to focus on the fundamentals. You have to focus on just breathing. And now, I believe that time is coming to a close, because I am more alive than ever and I can devote myself to more than just anorexia recovery.
But I find myself turning inward because of the biggest thing that haunts humanity at large, the biggest thing that drives people to the depths of despair: Fear.
Fear asks: Am I pretty enough? Am I a fast enough runner, a good enough student, a good enough child? Fear lunges at us like a sharp crack of lightning, and we are so often frozen in its wake. And so we live in a state of competition, of fear that says: I must prove myself, or everyone will give up on me. No one will love me. I will be all alone.
That is what fear says.
But let me tell you something, straight from the Father: You are already proven worthy. Second Corinthians 3:5 says that by ourselves, we aren't sufficient enough but, with Christ: We are made sufficient. We are good enough-- you are good enough.
You are pretty enough, smart enough, fast enough, kind enough and worth enough. (RELATED: Am I Beautiful?)
And when the realization of that truth hits your heart, it opens the door wide for two reasons:
1. The God of the universe has redeemed you and deemed you: Worthy
2. His opinion of you is the only one that matters
The second reason is a lot harder to get deep in our hearts. Repeat it to yourself. Repeat it and repeat it and let it become true, let it become air the breathes your soul to life in the aftermath of fear's strike. Because you no longer have to live life in a state of constantly proving yourself, and you no longer have to fear what is going to happen. God love you with a burning passion and seeks to bless you and fill you and take you on a wild ride of faith.
We don't have to set our aim on proving ourselves worthy, because that has already been done. Now, we live in a state of freedom that allows us to pour love into the world around us. Now, we are liberated from fear of inadequacy, of loneliness, of disappointing others.
Run your race. Run with strength and boldness. Run with your blinders on and your eyes on the cross. That cross tells you that you are sufficient.
Be encouraged, be bold and be free!