Motivated by Hope

Last week, I had a fantastic dream in which I plopped down on the floor and "nearly" did the splits. All my friends were doing it, so I just decided to try as well.  In dream logic, it just seemed like the cool thing to do.  Naturally, when I woke up, I had one question on my mind: Could I really get super close to doing the splits?  I even went as far as to act like "dream me" and then, of course, attempt the splits.

Nope.  Nada.  Just a painful ascension from an awkward lunge.  I should've guess as much, right?  I mean, the last time I'd tried was in dance class as a seven year old, and even then I couldn't fully do the splits.  But somehow, I was hopeful that my dream had magically gifted me with the capability.  I mean, just think of all the good I could do the world if I have the talent of doing the splits.....(and then let me know if you can think of anything solid, because I'm drawing a blank)

The point is: I was motivated by hope.

But there's a different kind of motivation- one that's been persistently hounding me lately- and that is: Fear.  While I'm a big proponent of diligence and discipline, I've also spent the past few months in treatment for anorexia, learning that life without reprieve is basically hell on earth.  "Just Do It" just doesn't get it done when the motivation is fear and the body is worn to exhaustion.

Fear says we have to perform in order to measure up to the standards of others.  Fear has driven me to shut the world out, run more than my body could handle, miss out on a lot of fun memories- and that's just the start.  My point is, fear is a pretty awful motivator because it takes precedent over our dreams and hopes.

This past week, I had the chance to go out for a fun shopping and relaxation day.  The enemy brought fear that said no. It said I couldn't eat out for lunch.  It said I couldn't sit in the car that long or try on clothes or do something new.  But there was an inkling of hope in me, hope that gave me a vision of what I want my life to be like.  I want to be free of the fear that binds me.  I want to be able to go on a hike AND sit and watch a movie, walk around the city AND have a "lazy day."  I'm sick of fear.  It doesn't get me anywhere and it is not going to overpower the love of God in my life.  I'm choosing each day to fight the pressure of fear and be motivated by love, by hope.  Last Friday, I did choose hope.  I relaxed and rejuvenated, I found some cute new clothes for the cute new me, I had a delicious lunch.  I don't regret any of it, only the moments that I let my eating disorder have a voice. (RELATED: Wretched Woman I Am)

Moving forward, I'm going to continue to challenge fear as a motivator in my life. (RELATED: Why Strong is Not the New Skinny) And while it's not easy, training the mind to recognize those moments, is worth it.  It is liberating me from the drudgery of failure.   Fear shuts us down when we fail.  It brings a storm of condemnation.  But hope provides a reason to keep going, no matter how hard life gets or how many times we've been shut down.  Trials typically don't wrap up like a Hallmark movie, but when we stand at the gates of Heaven and account for our time on earth, there will be such joy as we remember the times we chose hope over fear.  In that spirit of the Lord, the spirit of hope, there is liberty (2 Corinthians 3:17).  So keep on going because hope is never in vain.  Keep running your race.

Love,
Hannah


~Need more hope tonight?  Read why Christ's resurrection gives us strength to say: "It is well with my soul."  Click HERE.