Keep trekking

Hello blogosphere.  I want to check in with some really inspirational messages of hope.  And yet, the words just aren't flowing tonight.  Frankly, it's been a rollercoaster kind of week.  As if the weather in Ohio wasn't enough of a challenge, I had a very challenging week mentally.  I always tell people that you can't appreciate the good times if there aren't trials along the way.  Why is it so hard to take your own advice?!

As I trekked through last week though, I did anything but accept my own advice.  I distanced myself from God.  I restricted the little things.  I didn't let my body rest.  I got angry at myself and determined to do better.  As you might expect, "determining" to do better doesn't really work out to well.  All the good intentions in the world can't heal an eating disorder and 100% effort can't mend the fractures in everyday life.  And my anxiety mounts as I realize how little I truly control- the snow, work schedules, other people and even my body. (RELATED: Am I Beautiful?)

As the tension rises and the head starts spinning, it leads to what I call "future fear." Like most fear, this one's no good and no matter who you are, I bet you know it well.

You're sitting in the hospital room and you wonder, "What could it be?"  You sign the deed on a new house and ask yourself: "What if I make another poor financial decision or lose my job in a few years?"  You find freedom from addiction only to stare at the bottle with silent horror: "What if I slip one night and fall back into the chains?"  While I've never faced any of those fears, I sit with many of my own and I wonder: "What if I'm never free?" (RELATED: I Wear the White Robes of Grace)

As humans, we can sit and worry all day about "what if's."  I'm a seasoned expert on the subject.  However, that's nothing I take pride in.  Worrying about what could happen is quite a useless.  Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:34, "Don't worry about tomorrow.  Tomorrow will worry about its own things.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." He tells us to not fear what we will eat or drink, for He will provide.  And I'm struck by my own infantile behavior that causes me to withdraw into myself, for fear of what could be.  (RELATED: You Can't Fly Solo)

It also reminds me of the blunt truth: I could live in anxiety 24/7, worried about my next slip-up and missing out on life. (RELATED: Surf the Urge)  Or, I could trust that the God of the universe is walking right by my side.  I could focus on doing all I can right now, to avoid the things I'm afraid of.  (RELATED: One Hour with God)

Which options sounds more appealing to you, because I'm sure not having fun with the first one.


  See, none of us are just going to wake up one morning, down in the pits again.  Moral growth and decline are slow processes.  They require deliberate actions over time and they sneak up stealthily, careful to catch us off guard.  Offhand, that seems like all the more reason to fear. But on the contrary: Knowing that our moral compass is easily but minutely altered should lead us to Christ, with the understanding that only He is going to keep us headed in the right direction at the end of the day.

And as we head in the right direction, that inkling of fear that hides in the back of our heads shrinks a little more.  Because nothing nothing ahead of us is worthy of fear- not even our own potential, or lack thereof.

So if you are living in fear or discouragement today like I am, I want to encourage: You might be unable to control everything but that doesn't mean there is any lack of control.  An Advocate who never ceases to hold your heart is leading you through every valley and rainy day. So brush off the dirt, stand up tall and march on in the moment.  (RELATED: How Deep is Your Pit?)

I can let every little failure set off a panic that I'm backsliding.  Or I can persevere and learn from every mistake and curveball.  It seems life is a series of curveballs.  And while I was never good at hitting homeruns, I know how to dodge a ball and I know how to run.  I can't control the other factors but I can choose right now to give myself grace and keep on trekking. May you as well.


Love,
Hannah