Surf the Urge

Wow.  Last week really helped me process through a lot.  Apparently, my word vomit also resonated with a lot of you because the response to my post was overwhelming.  I truly never expected such support, but it encouraged me in many ways.  For one, it reminded me that the voice God has given me can be utilized no matter where I am- I firmly believe that I shouldn't wait until I'm out of these trials before I speak of the hope for freedom.  But it also showed me just how relevant my struggles are to everyone.

Although I'm sure some of you read my post because it was peculiar or provided human interest, I'd guess most of you kept reading because some part of you related.  You might have suffered from an eating disorder or you might just be a  human being who struggles with body image and self-worth.  Yup.  You don't have to be diagnosed with a mental illness for that to hit home. (RELATED: Real Life Barbie?)

We run around like ants, rushing to get in line and plan for the next pitfall.  How sad is it that, according the National Association for Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD),  81% of ten year-olds are afraid of being fat?

81%.  That's ridiculous.

But I have to tell you: After my post last week, God has been doing some pretty crazy-awesome stuff in my life and in my heart.  Though my body image is still akin to a game of Chutes and Ladders, the chutes seem a bit more manageable this week as my overall self-esteem has increased. (RELATED: I'm Moving On) Why?  I think it has a lot to do with seeing the pictures of a healthy Hannah and envisioning that reality again. I think it has a lot to do with the immense outpouring of love I received after posting my article last week.  But I think it's largely due to the fact that shedding light on the darkness acts as a healing salve, it strips me of the shame and brings me to my knees before my Savior, who has been longing to heal me just as soon as I surrender. (RELATED: The Inner Battle)

And that surrender- though easier said than done- is quite simple.  Surrender in an eating disorder or in any area of life, requires Surfing the Urge.  This is a very helpful skill used in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and it's pretty self explanatory.  In a nutshell: You recognize the negative behavior you are tempted to do (ex. restricting food, smoking, using violence)  and delay it temporarily, with the understanding that the urge can't last forever.

I've been finding this really helpful during the past week, but mostly it's been a great way to look ahead to the future with a greater sense of hope.  Just like my urges, my trials aren't going to last forever.  And that is just another good reason to keep on fighting.