Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Walls of Pride Have Replaced Walls of Shame: Time to Tear Down
I don't like being vulnerable. I don't think a lot of us do. Frankly, it leaves us open to critique, judgement and rejection. Yet, I came to a point this last year where the walls I'd built had become so overpowering, that is was a task to simply get through the day. No one knew how badly I was truly struggling and I didn't want them to.
I love Romans 8:2, which says: "For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set me free from the law of sin and death." It reminds me that I'm not the trapped, sick "me" anymore. (RELATED: Let's Talk About Eating Disorders) I am made new. And you all have graciously supported me on my journey thus far. You've prayed for me, read my blog, offered encouragement and reminded me that there is hope. (RELATED: The Unexpected) Because of the support of my friends and family, I've been able to follow God's lead and tear down so many walls in my life. Anorexia is not something to be ashamed of and my past is not something I need to hide. No. I need to share it, because a story isn't complete without the struggle, the struggle that makes us human.
Here's my problem though: I've torn down the walls of secrecy and shame. Yet, I fear I have erected new walls in the process. I've blogged about eating disorder awareness and about much of my personal struggle, and in doing so, I think I've built myself up and belittled the work of redemption. (RELATED: Do You Think I'm Beautiful)
My words may have been pretty spot, but my heart has been constantly battling the desire for attention, for praise, for approval. In this struggle, I'm reminded that my entire journey of freedom is hinged on escaping the lust for approval of others (RELATED: A Freedom Filled 2015). That doesn't stop when my words hit the page. So this is my way of coming clean with all of you, about how imperfect I really am. Honesty is what people connect to, and I'm here to connect. I'm not here to soak in the praise of others. That's something that I'm still working on in my heart. Thanks for sticking with me guys. Stay tuned for more blog posts about what God is doing in me. (RELATED: My Next Step Forward)