It's been a busy few weeks, but I can't say it has been without payoff. All the effort has been hard work, but I'm truly reaping the rewards. Don't get me wrong: There is still a lot- I mean a LOT- of distance I've yet to cover in my recovery journey, but I'm starting to see what real life is like. (RELATED: Do You Think I'm Beautiful?)
It's afternoon runs, because I have the energy to run and my body is healthy again. And I don't have to run first thing in the morning and I don't have to measure my distance or pace or calories burned. (RELATED: Rest) And all I hear is my feet on the pavement because I'm not listening to the eating disorder lies. I'm blocking them out.
Real life is hanging out with friends, occasionally smashing scales on the street and standing tall in who God has created me to be-- in the midst of rude and insensitive comments from people who don't understand the hell I've been through.
|My friend and I destroyed her scales|
today. I'd say it was a smashing success!
Real life is finally moving on from partial hospitalization, to the world of outpatient-- where you get to explore new hallways and meet new people at the front desk. It's an exciting world. But it's also a bit frightening. Thirty hours or treatment decreased to twelve and then to nine and now: three. It's not easy but I've asked for and received more support at home, I've etched out new goals and I've worked hard to schedule my time. Free time is bad news for me, it only fuels E.D. (RELATED: Keep Trekking)
Running helps my anxiety a lot and is enjoyable for the first time in a few years. My body image is another story all together, but somewhere in the back of my head, I remember that this isn't going to last forever. The benefits of recovery, however, will last forever. So I think I can tough it out. When I think about where I was just a few months ago, the fact that I'm running at all and able to rest and relax at all, blows my mind. God is doing amazing things! See THIS post from August to see what I mean- My all-around health has improved, but so has my honesty and transparency within my writing!
I really have been leaning on Proverbs 18:10 lately, which says: "The name of the Lord is a strong tower. The righteous run to it and are safe." It reminds me that I am safe in Him, I am alive in Him. I don't have to restrict or run faster and walk longer or hide from the world. Life in Christ is worth living, and the more I test that theory, the more I prove it true. (RELATED: Accept Love)
Thank you all for your continued love and support,