I want to put some faces behind eating disorders for my NEDA Awareness Week post today. Please take a minute and put yourself in these shoes. (RELATED: Let's Talk About Eating Disorders)
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I've never known what it feels like to be beautiful
Never have I been gazed upon with longing, or loved myself
I punish myself; not a morsel of food touches my lips that hasn't been earned
And I don't eat dinner with others, if I eat dinner at all
And I don't let the world see how fragile I really am
Skin and bones with a damaged heart
I am battling an eating disorder
Only, that can't be true because I am a young mom of three kids
Nobody can see the fatal fear that riddles my body
I hang with my friends, snacking on pizza and chips, already plotting what I'll do next
I wait till I'm alone and I get rid of the damage
Sometimes I lie to my roommate: "It's that stomach bug again."
And no one notices at all
I'm battling an eating disorder
Only, that can't be true because I'm a 18-year-old male
The pounds drop but they don't seem to make a difference
Each number reminds me of one more flaw, one more reason I'm all alone
Each bite of food brings terror with a vengeance
I'm so fearful of gaining weight; I must whittle it all away until I'm acceptable
Until I'm good enough
I'm battling an eating disorder
Only, that can't be true because I'm clinically overweight and don't look sick at all
A trip to the grocery store is no easy feat
My list may be clear but my head is swimming with compulsions:
Cookies, brownies, chips, muffins, donuts
And I crumple the receipt and toss it with the wrappers, sending a quick text to a friend
She will never know; but the shame is enough to kill me and I yell at the mirror
"You're a pig, a worthless fool; You're not worthy of love!"
I'm battling an eating disorder
Only, that can't be true because I'm a middle school student and my doctor said he saw no problem
I dream of food labels
My nightmares involve being forced to eat a cookie
And my hours are spent calculating what vegan, gluten-free, spelt-based dinner I can have
My body is fit; my muscles are strong
And I do not fear physical pain because I push my body to its limit
But the "junk food" is what I fear
A glance at a piece of pie and my anxiety is through the roof
I'm battling an eating disorder
Only, that can't be true because I'm a fit athlete in his prime
My smile is said to light up the room
But nobody knows long the darkness has pervaded my hope
The sadness lingers in my eyes
In a quick brush of the hand, I push the food into my napkin
And no one noticed a thing
I am battling an eating disorder
Only, that can't be true because I am a 60-year-old grandmother of two
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There is no "one-face" for eating disorders. They are as diverse as their victims, manifesting is so many different ways and at so many different levels. We must stop overlooking and discounting people's struggles because they do not fit the eating disorder mold of a teenage girl who is skin and bones and just wants to be thin. News flash: That's not realistic and it's not helping our battle against eating disorders. I truly hope this short prose helped open your eyes to that. Just because NEDA Awareness Week is almost over doesn't mean your education has to stop here. Please continue to follow my blog and check out NEDA's website HERE. We can take back ground one life at a time, and each one of those lives is absolutely worth fighting for. (RELATED: Am I Beautiful?)
NEDA Awareness Week Post #1
NEDA Awareness Week Post #2
NEDA Awareness Week Post #3
NEDA Awareness Week Post #4
NEDA Awareness Week Post #5
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