Easter 2014

 In my family, egg dying is always a tradition.  Perhaps the other members of my family--- Ahem: brothers-- don't take it as "seriously" as I do, but I love having the time with the family!  Besides, we always have some wacky and fun memories that come out of it.  For instance, check out Egg Dyeing 2013.

 We got off to a great start.  Eggs were being colored and memories were being made.  We soon discovered that our cups were too small though and we began, unintentionally, dyeing not only the eggs, but also the newspaper on the countertop (and our fingers!)

 I grabbed a rare picture of the guys participating and dyeing the eggs, which lasted a good 20 minutes before they descended to the basement to play foosball.... 

 That wasn't before I accidentally polluted the orange dye by sticking a purple egg in it too soon.  We decided the new color was "Poop Brown."  My little brother, whose mission is always to create a really hideous egg, was delighted at my mistake.  FYI: His egg came out looking a really pretty taupe, earthy color.  I kind of liked it!

I was so blessed and grateful for the Easter basket I received this year, as it was so personalized to ME!  Among some of the great gifts were some pretty awesome exotic foods, like this Starfruit.  I can't remember if I've ever had Starfruit before, although I probably have at some point, but it was delicious!  And it looks so cool shaped like that!

I also received a Pepino Melon (seen above), a fruit that tastes kind of like a mellow Honeydew Melon.  "Pepino" is Spanish for cucumber, which I also understand because there's a hint of that taste as well.  You can eat the whole thing, and I chose to slice it in long pieces to put in cottage cheese. I was definitely not disappointed: It was so refreshing and delicious.  Still remaining of my unique Easter health foods are a Plaintain and Spaghetti Squash.  I'm hoping to create a blogpost about both when I prepare them, so stay tuned.  

Lastly, I got some more TAZO Cocoa Mint Maté Tea from my mom.  I am a tea connoisseur and of all the stuff I've tried: Cocoa Mint Maté is the BEST!  I don't drink caffeinated teas too often, but I wholeheartedly love this stuff.  The subtle chocolatey taste is highlighted by the mint, creating a mug of pure awesomeness.  If you are as much of a tea drinker as I am, check out some of my other favorite teas HERE.

Unfortunately, Easter Day was a blur and I didn't get many pictures at all.  But it was such a blessing being home!  The Holy Spirit was bringing worship to life at church and I got to celebrate my little brother's 16th birthday (which was also that day!)  I tried to remember he was the "birthday boy" when he shoved me aside trying to get an egg during the egg hunt.  To his defense- and my own shame- he found the most eggs this year and dethroned me as the champion.  We had 256 eggs though!  So I'm pretty sure he just started in the right location with the most concentration of eggs... :)  I hope you all had a great Easter as well, and celebrated the joy of the risen Savior (and not how many eggs you found!)

Imperfect Progress and Eyes on The Cross

     The last few weeks, I've had to take a step back and focus on finishing the school year well and doing all the time-consuming work that goes along with being a student-- not to say I wasn't doing that before!  It's just been really crazy with finals coming up.  Nonetheless, I am fully committed to being more regular with my blogging, starting with today's post about what God has been showing me lately.      As I previously wrote, I was able to get back to the track and race-- praise God!  But what I haven't updated on is where I am currently.  As of now, I'm done for the season.  While that is a huge bummer for me, it is also a giant step forward in the right direction because I was not making my health a priority and my weight had gone down as I ignored the problem and continued running.  I had lots of nagging injuries as a result of that, so the decision was made to focus on restoring my health now, so I can be 100% healthy and prepared for this next cross season.
     Believe me, I fought it kicking and screaming.  No part of me wanted to finish my first collegiate year having only run two races and not really showing anything for myself.  I didn't accomplish all the goals I'd set.  I didn't break through and expose the talent I believe God has given me.  I didn't do a lot of things.
     But what I have done, and am doing, is letting go for the first time.  Last week, as I took an entire week off of exercise, I chose to view it as my week with the Lord.  I prayed a lot, struggled a lot and wrote... a lot!  What I also did a lot of, was ragging on myself.  If you've read my blog before, you'll notice that my lack of self-confidence and self-esteem is no secret.  To be honest, I struggle with "liking myself."  Mainly, that's because of perfectionist tendencies and the false belief that I have to earn the love of others.  For that reason, I stepped into last week with a massive amount of self-hatred and disgust for who I was.  All I could think was how I had wasted an entire year of running, how I'd screwed up all the plans God might have had for me, how I'd disappointed everyone around me-- especially my family.

I love screenshotting awesome verses
like these!

     I won't sugarcoat it: I moped along like that for a good three or four days until God, and my dad, finally shook me and I got to the point where I confessed that I didn't want to hate myself and I didn't like living like that.  From there, once I'd finally let God in, everything turned around.  While that's not to say that I suddenly had no thoughts that I was eating too much or I needed to exercise or that I was a failure for not completely being healed from anorexia.  That all happened.  But once I let God in, I was able to see the beautiful joy in being broken.  I was able to be transparent (RELATED: Experiencing God's Joy).
     That was when I realized it.  I realized that for the first time in my life (no joke), I was actually forgiving myself.  Yes.  I'm 19 years old and I don't think I've ever really forgiven myself before.  I still harbor guilt from when I told my dad I didn't want him to eat lunch with my in the cafeteria...in third grade.  But I am finally deciding, choosing and beginning to do it: forgive myself!  And it feels great.
     I beginning to grasp the idea that God's forgiveness it here for the taking, but we have the responsibility to do just that: take it!  Once that idea started churning in my head, I experienced such hope.  I am so hopeful and joyful looking ahead.  I am finally addressing the last of this monster-eating disorder that I never fully killed.  I'm finally focusing on God and not "fixing myself."  And for the first time in a long, long time: I feel free.  I still feel quite broken and sometimes ashamed, but also free.  Heck, doesn't the fact that I'm choosing to-- while anonymously-- post this on the internet?  I still care a bit too much what people think; I still worry that I'll be judged and talked about.  Chiefly, I am afraid that I'll be seen as weak, not the tough and strong girl I want to come across as.  But as I'm starting to accept: I'm not that girl.  I never have been.  That's why I need Christ in the first place.  That's why I need forgiveness.
     So maybe this post finds you in a similar place.  Perhaps you're hating yourself for failing over and over again with a habitual sin.  Maybe you're regretting past mistakes and lost time.  You might even feel the weight of shackles on your own feet as I talk about my story.  I want to encourage you with James 1:12, which says:

Bless is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.

     You may feel like a failure, but do not forget that this is spiritual warfare and you are on a battleground.  Most importantly, you-- we-- cannot fight the battle alone.  That's why I love Psalm 27:4, which says:

One thing I have desired of the Lord,

That will I seek:

That I may dwell in the house of the Lord

All the days of my life,

To behold the beauty of the Lord,

And to inquire in His temple. (NKJV)

     That is what I want: To focus on God and seek Him alone.  As one of my favorite authors, Lysa Terkeurst says, "it's imperfect progress."  I won't honor God with my eating every day.  I won't honor Him with a lot of things on a consistent basis, but I do seek to honor Him with all that I am.  I am ready to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.  If we always stick with the comfortable, we'll never move forward into all that God has.  So: imperfect progress and eyes on the cross.  I guess that's the main theme for today.  Remember that God has so much more for you than the shackles of sin and shame and self-hatred.  Remember who you are, my friend.  Be encouraged and choose to seek Christ and Christ alone.  Every action and thought is a decision to either seek Christ or seek your own sinful desires.  Just like in a race: Every second matters!

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     Need some more encouragement?  Head over to YouTube and listen to "Eyes on the Prize" by Sara Groves.  I recently did a post on my favorite worship songs and this one is at the top of the list!  Read the blog post HERE for some other great songs!

     

Peace Like a River

     As a child, I remember singing "I've Got Peace Like a River" (sorry: couldn't find a really good, simple version) along with the other kids in church.  I love the message: Absolute freedom in the Lord.  Yet, I've been far from that freedom lately.  I've been rocked by circumstance after circumstance.  My emotions were in control the past few weeks, as I battled the flu, then struggled through my newest running issue: Hip bursitis.  I have stressed through exams and grappled for control that should be God's.
     It was yesterday, in the middle of all this chaos, that I remembered my volunteering experience a few weeks ago.  I met a young woman who was blind.  She also happened to be a very gifted pianist.  She was excited to show me her ability on the piano.  So when it was her turn, she sat down at the bench and motioned for me to join her.
     "Do you know 'Peace like a River,'" she asked me?  "I do," I responded enthusiastically.  "It's one of my favorites!"  She said she loved to sing, but had a quiet voice.  "I'll sing along then, if that's ok," I offered.  She nodded and began to play.
     As her slender fingers brushed the keys, I was swept with the power of the Holy Spirit.  All week, I had been struggling with the rush and roar of life.  Trials and lies of the devil had been surrounding me on all sides.   There, in a classroom at the school for the blind, I was finally able to breathe in.  I breathed in the peace and joy of God that I'd been restlessly scrambling to find all week.  It came in that simple moment as her voice quietly echoed the lyrics, "I've got peace like a river in my soul."  Peace was what I'd been missing.  I'd been striving to find it, and there it was: In the simplest of forms.
     As I began to sing along with my new friend, I heard what I can best describe as a "glimpse of Heaven."  Around the living room area of this classroom, four or five voices piped up.  They began quietly but grew as each one joined in.  Some were wildly off pitch and others were hushed and beautiful, but all the voices created a sweet melody to Christ.
     I will never forget the sweet joy of of the father that I saw in that precious time with my new friends.  Their joy and peace blessed me by exhibiting the love of my heavenly father, who I was so desperately missing during the days of searching for Him.  I found that I really just needed to be still and listen.  And as I listened to those young and eager voices singing of the peace, joy and love of God- I heard Him.

Christian Songs for Encouragement

Eyes on the Prize: One of my
ALL-TIME favorite songs!

     I've had one of those weeks.  It culminated in a morning of tearful worship and fellowship with some pretty awesome friends.  All that to say: I will not give up.  Don't you know that's what Satan wants us to do when the going gets tough.  If you are in need of encouragement today, pick out a couple of these songs.  They will lift your heart and bring it into alignment with the amazing grace and love of Christ.  He hasn't left you and you are not alone in this fight- I'm preaching that as much to you as I am to myself!


1. For when you are discouraged and lacking hope:
 Promises by Sanctus Real

2. When you need to sense God's sovereign love:
 Overwhelmed by Big Daddy Weave

3. When you feel desperately alone in your trial:
 You Won't Let Go by Michael W. Smith

4. When you need to refocus on Christ and not the things of this world:
 Christ is Enough by Hillsong

5. When you need to remember the faithfulness of God: 
Eyes on the Prize by Sara Groves

   
     Lastly, here is a video my daddy sent me titled: "Don't Stop, Don't Give Up."  It's pretty silly, and very cute.  Yet, it has somehow stuck with me in a powerful way.  I guess that just goes back to the power of words.  Proclaim it over yourself: You will not give up!  God has so many great plans for you and you must press on.  There is a sweet closeness that you can gain with the father when you are going through trials.  Use this time to draw near to Him and glean everything you can out of this situation.
     I for one, have been beating myself up that I haven't been glorifying God "perfectly."  If I were doing 'XYZ' better, then God would find favor in me and I wouldn't be such a disappointment.  That's nonsense- I'm telling myself this one as well- because your value is not in WHAT you are, but WHO you are.  And I don't mean WHO you make yourself to be, I mean who God says you are.  You are His.  Period.  End of story.  You are amazingly beautiful and forever treasured because your father says so and He created you.
     Don't stop short during this desert trial and miss all the glory, splendor and growth He has for you.  My favorite verse in the Bible (Hebrews 10:39) proclaims, "We are not those who shrink back and thus perish.  We are of those who persevere and preserve our souls."
     Persevere my friend and don't- DO NOT- stop and give up!


RELATED: Now is the Time

Today Will Be The Best Day of My Life

   

     Did you wake up this morning with determination, or did you-- like me-- roll out of bed with a little apprehension and dread?  For most people, the everyday routine of life is not so glamourous.  We get easily bogged down by deadlines, schedules and demands.
     This is exactly what I was thinking when I opened my devotional the other day.  It was talking about living in a future oriented and heaven focused way.  The writer referenced a friend who said he woke up every morning, proclaiming the truth: "Today is going to be the best day of my life!"
     I'm not suggesting we should ignore reality and live with our heads in the clouds.  Yet, there is great power in the words we speak.  If we speak forth joy, we are going to direct our days toward living in joy.  In the same way, if we speak forth negativity and bitterness, that's what we are going to reap.
     As Christians, we are ambassadors of Christ.  We need to wake up everyday with the determination that we will live out that calling.  Today, tonight, this week: Will be the best in your life!  It's not because you will win a million dollars or finally land that promotion.  Nope.  They will be the best because you will live them to the glory of God.
     See, when we walk forward in the joy and freedom of Christ, we will live out the time we have in the way God has planned, and that will make it the best it can absolutely be.  So it might not be the best we can imagine, but it will be the best.
     Earlier this week, when I was really frustrated with being sick and not being able to run, I was reminded just how often God has already proved himself to me.
     He has never failed me.  In the trials that I've been sure will make my life worse-off, God has brought amazing blessing.  Death, divorce, anorexia and a parent's remarriage: They have all rocked me to the core.  Yet, when I look back, I see the great joy and wisdom and blessing God has brought me as a result of all these things.


(RELATED: Joy in God's Presence)
(RELATED: The Joy of God)

     So today might be a little rough.  You may get angry and blow your top.  Someone else might get angry with you and act poorly.  Either way, if you are a follower of Christ: You are an ambassador of His love, patience, joy, freedom and all that other good stuff.
     Take heart.  He has overcome the world and today, yes today, can be the best day of your life!

An Atypical Monday

     The past few weeks have been so stressful, yet great at the same time!  I will address all the new updates in a post after this one.  Anyway, I figured today would be a good day to update the blog, seeing as it has been forever and I am sick with the flu.  And what better thing to update you with than the regaling story of how I spent yesterday in the ER?

     It started after our long run Sunday morning.  I was walking back to get ready for church and said hi to a friend.  "Don't get too close," she warned.  "I'm getting over the stomach flu."  

     I grimaced and wished her well in her recovery as walked outside.  Other than feeling really tired from my long run and my race on Saturday, I felt decent up until Sunday night when I got an awful stomach ache.  I don't get them often, so I figured I could just sleep it off and it would be no big deal.  Alas, I woke up around 2 a.m. and spent the rest of the night throwing up and sleeping on the dorm room floor so I was close to the trashcan.  I made it down to the bathroom around 6:30 a.m., but felt like I was going to pass out if I didn't lay down.  Thankfully, someone came in for a shower around 6:45 and helped me to walk back down to my room and wake up the RA.  

     From that point on, I didn't throw up anymore.  But the EMTs came because I was so dizzy that I couldn't sit up.  They gave me an IV to restore my fluids and loaded me onto the ambulance.  

     I used to hate shots.  Then, I got my blood-work done and shots weren't so bad.  I'm pretty sure I would take 50 shots over an IV in my arm.  I'll spare you the details, but I will say that my sweatshirt is covered in blood on the right side because the IV came out...

     At the hospital, they continued to give me fluids and potassium.  I guess all my electrolytes were really low, but my potassium especially.  I was released around noon and thankfully had a friend who was able to come pick me up-- me, in my bloody sweatshirt, pajamas and fuzzy socks :)

     I felt a lot better yesterday afternoon, but was really really tired and had a headache.  Today, after 10 hours of sleep and a 45 min. nap at 10, I still feel exhausted and sleepy.  My head still hurts a little too.  And I haven't eaten anything yet today because nothing sounds too appetizing.  

     Overall though, I'm just really frustrated.  I feel so much better, but am now allowed to run today.  I've been making so much progress that this setback is really really driving me crazy.  I'm also upset because I feel better so I feel like I should be pushing myself and I should be doing my hard workout today like usual.  While I'm not completely well, I'm not as sick as I was, so I feel guilty just sitting around and wasting time.  I hate it!  

     Perhaps this is another lesson in patience.  After all, I was telling a friend yesterday how I'm trying to remind myself that God is in control.  I wish I had that clear of a focus today.  Yet, I do know that there has not once been a time in my life when my plans were better than God's.  After the fact, I can always look back and see how God has brought so much blessing out of what I deemed "bad."  This is no different, right?  It's just really hard to view it that way when I'm in the middle of it.  It's especially hard since I was feeling on top of the world after a great workout Friday, my first race on Saturday that my dad and brother came to and a good long run on Sunday.  Now I just feel like a lazy, weak sickling.      But even as I write that, I'm reminded how God has been teaching me about my true identity.  It doesn't change, not based on anything.  If I run great one day and bad the next, that doesn't make me a "superb athlete" and then "not a real runner."  If I get good grades, that doesn't make me "worthy" just like doing something wrong doesn't make me a "failure."  I am always, 100 percent of the time: a child of God who is redeemed and made righteous.  I am defined by Him and not by the ever changing circumstances of this world.  

     This has been quite a random stream of my thoughts, but that's what you get when I'm writing while recovering from the flu.  However, I hope this has been encouraging for you as it has been for me.  Remember, God IS in control and He defines not only the circumstances but He defines who you are.  If you are going through something difficult, I advise you to write it down.  Journal it or write about it in a blog.  That way, when God does come through as sovereign and awesome, you will have the story to go along with it.  Have a great Tuesday!

     

Book Review: "Unbroken" by Laura Hillenbrand

The Stats

Genre: Non-fiction

Pages: 389

Rating: 4/5

     Unbroken, by Laura Hillenbrand, was a complete shock to me.  I read the message boards claiming it was a "must read" for runners.  What I didn't gather though, was the extent to which it would impact me beyond just running.  Unbroken is about a runner, but it reaches far beyond the track into some of the most personal and heart-breaking moments in life.  It is the in-depth and gut wrenching tale of Louie Zamperini.  

     Zamperini was an Olympic 5,000 meter runner who was extremely driven and coached himself to Olympian status in 1936, shock the world with his speed and tenacity. At 19, Zamperini was the youngest to ever qualify for the 5,000.  He was also a daredevil.  After the Olympics, he enlisted in the U.S. Air Force during World War II.  That is where Zamperini truly became known as a legend.

     Hillenbrand takes the reader along with Louie as he enters the air force and soon faces the fight of his life that starts on a 2 person raft in the middle of the Pacific and ends behind enemy lines in Japan. "If I knew I had to go through those experiences again," Louie once said: "I'd kill myself."

     I was enthralled with the character of Louie.  And as someone who generally steers clear of historical novels, I could not put the book down.  Hillenbrand does not just depict Louie's life, she unveils it in a way that the reader is swept along in his tale of unspeakable horror and ultimate peace and restoration in Christ.  My eyes were opened to the amazing power of forgiveness in a way I have never grasped before.  After reading Unbroken, I have an understanding of the life of a soldier-- and veteran-- that commands respect far beyond what I had ever imagined.  

     So, yes.  Unbroken is a "must read" for runners.  But it is also a must read for the soldier, the adventurer, the fighter and just about anyone who needs a major shift in perspective of the capacity for human survival.  Louie, as I learned, did not only survive.  He overcame.  As a runner, as a soldier and as a man: His story is one worth telling, because it is unlike anything you have ever heard before.

     I also look forward to seeing the movie adaptation as it hits theaters later this year.  With any luck, I'll post a movie review shortly after it's Christmas debut.  Until then, check out the official Olympic preview trailer, read about Louie's encounter with Billy Graham and read this amazing book! 

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And don't forget to read my review on Born to Run- another great book for runners!  

Click HERE.

Click HERE for more awesome book reviews on A Grateful Life Lived.