Satire: A Day in the Life of a Pinterest Addict

       

     My dream of playing on a Bermudan beach comes to a quick halt as I begrudgingly hear the sound of my alarm clock.  It's 6 a.m on a Saturday, but so goes the routine.  Last week, I saw an info-graphic on Pinterest advocating going to bed early and waking up early to workout.  My metabolism will move faster that way.  While I'm still recalling the rest of the info-graphic from the comfort of my bed, my face is suddenly splashed with cold water and I rush to turn off the alarm clock.  (Knowing the sleep adjustment would be a challenge, I bought an alarm clock that squirts you with water.  It was highly recommended on Pinterest.)  Yes.  Seven days a week, this is how my day starts.  This, is a day in the life of a Pinterest addict.

     After extensive shock therapy and out-patient rehab, I have decided to take the step and publicly announce my problem in hopes of helping my recovery, and helping others who are suffering from the same debilitating illness.  

     As I mentioned, my day starts around seven.  I proceed to drink some coffee and scroll through the vast pins that I missed overnight.  Of the 798 (carefully selected) boards and people I follow, many of them have been on the move and now: I must catch up.  By 7:30, I switch tactics and head to the "Health and Fitness" section.  Oh the glory!  Here, I get my daily dose of "pick your butt up, you're not fit enough!"  I gaze in awe at the butt workouts, the detox drinks, and the fitness miracles with shining washboard abs and chiseled arms.  When I see a good enough looking picture, I immediately-- after I pin it of course-- copy down the workout and continue on.  Today, it looks like I'll be getting "My Best Butt," continuing my pull-up challenge,  and kicking off my Skinny Jeans workout-- so I can fit in the pants I saw in the Fitness section.  By 8:30, I have corralled my nutritional and exercise needs for the day, and hea  d off to complete them.

Part of today's "to-do" craft

     Usually, by 10:00 a.m, I am settling back to my computer and sipping a whey-spinach-chia protein shake-- yummmmm!  I used to work at a bank, but quit my job last year after I saw a lifechanging pin that told me I could make all the money I needed at home making crafts.  What better way to make money than browse Pinterest and create crafts?  Now, my basement is sufficiently stocked with glitter glue in seven colors, a cabinet full of supplies and Popsicle sticks, and a room specifically for furniture I have bought and intend to re-purpose.  Today, the plan is to make soap into body wash, crochet a cat finger puppet, and then find someone with a popcorn ceiling I can remove.  

     On a typical day, I will hit 3,000 re-pins and 100 "originals."  The "original" pins I get from my outside sites or my own pictures are crucial to my Pinterest credibility.  I have established myself as the go to user in all things Health and Fitness and DIY-- while those are my specialties, I also dabble in Tattoos and Women's Fashion pins.  

     Craft time lasts around five or six hours, leaving me exhausted and ready to rejuvenate with another Pinterest refreshment of some comedy videos and relationship pins on fun activities with the girlfriends-- I haven't seen my close friends since Pinterest updated to more user friendly browsing!

     Around this time, I reach for some energy supplements and foods that Pinterest users highly recommend as "This is sooooo kool" and "My mom will love this!"  

Click back tomorrow for the Second Part of my Pinterest Satire!