The sock conspiracy

     To all you adults who have accused and speculated for years: it's true, we teenagers really do have a reason for mismatching our socks every day.  You all figured it was our latest fashion statement though, and that's where you're wrong. We, as a collective group of rambunctious irresponsible young adults, have conspired to take over the world.
     I'm aware this sounds a little far fetched, but I assure you: I would not joke over a matter that has been the chief point of concern at Teenage Sock Plan Takeover Association (the TSPTA) meetings got the past year.  

     The original plan was to drive adults insane and thus, unable to run the world, with incessant nagging and immaturity.  The first members of TSPTA soon found out however, that adults don't pay much attention to teens anyway.  They spent months in a dedicated training facility to hone in on their whining skills, only to find that it gave the adult population just another reason to ignore them.  So now, we turned to socks.

     Although thought of as insignificant, socks are a fundamental object in every fiber of our being.  They bridge the gap between shoe and foot, they provide endless entertainment in the form of monkey puppet, and they keep cold toes warm in  a desperate time of need  Naturally, we chose socks as our avenue for world domination.  Adults wouldn't have to take teens seriously in order for this plan to work, we only needed to mismatch enough socks to start a chain reaction of rebellion.

     By spreading the secret plan-- under the alias of a "fashion statement"-- the TSPTA knew the exact outcome that would result.  Namely: world domination.  First, teens would stop matching their socks in a deliberate effort to provoke parental anger.  Then, as parents grow angrier, especially when an odd number of socks would go through the wash-- which the teen member of TSPTA would ensure occurred every time.    Then, the teen would start to do the same to their parent's socks, causing mass confusion and frustration in the household.  Imagine the horror: parent grabs long checkered socks only to find that one is a pink princess pony.  With careful maneuvering, all the family's matching socks would "disappear."  This would lead the parents to go out and buy more socks.  

photo credit: flickr.com

     At the same time, the brightest young minds in the world are using the their technological advantage over the older generations, to hack the websites of the biggest sock sellers.  They would then reroute shipping orders to the TSPTA factory headquarters, causing financial ruin.  The only sock company that adults could rely on, would then make its national debut: Tapst socks (a clever teen rearrangement of the TSPTA acronym).  After raking in the millions from sock sales as TSPTA member continued stealing matching socks, the TSPTA would gain more monetary funds by opening a giant frozen yogurt theme park, to which TSPTA members would flock-- and force their parents to pay for overpriced tickets and merchandise.  In the grand finale, the TSPTA would build a Wi-Fi enabled coffee shop in the frozen yogurt theme park (aptly named Attsp).  Cell phone addicted parents would frequent the shop, which would serve coffee genetically engineered to freeze the body in motion.  Slowly, the park's popularity would increase, key adults in the government would "go missing" after a visit, and world domination would be reached as the adult population is frozen in fear of who is "next to go."  And thus, this is why teens have chosen to unite in the act of mismatching their socks.

Not really.  We're just really lazy and don't care....